oh my gawd.

First of all, I would like to apologize for being such a ditz. A few weeks ago, a blog-friend gave me the url of a girl who recently jumped off to go into her afterlife. At first I just scanned the site, since my head was pounding with a mean headache. I told myself I'll return to it the next day. I did, but I wasn't really paying attention to the thoughts page. And so I didn't visit the site for a few more days, until another friend's site acknowledged her's, and so it reminded me, hey, i havn't fully understood her words.

So today, I checked it out once more, and this time i read everything. I read everything she said, her notion on friends, people, life and whatnot. And I remembered that my blog-friend referred to her gb as tear jerking. I proceeded to read every single entry in the gb and yes, she was right. It was totally tear-jerking. I had tears in my eyes, probably because I could feel what they were saying, how she was a great girl, how she was a big loss, why did she hafta do it, why didn't they just come to her if she had a problem, etc., etc.

And yes, I admit and apologize as well for being really nosy. But all their RIP's and messages weren't enough to pacify my curious mind. I wanted to know exactly HOW it happened. I wanted to know exactly where all this guilt, remorse, and unhappiness was coming from. So I did a little research. (I know, I know. I just had to do it. And I did. And if was bad, I'm sorry.)

Turns out she had freshly graduated from highschool as a valedictorian. She had a heart-to-heart talk with her older sister earlier and when she jumped off the building in her pajamas. I wonder how she felt to be talking with her sister and all, then how she felt when she jumped off the building. And then I read that she was the third person to jump off that building and another person who had committed suicide lived on the unit right above hers. Then i began to think, is there something with that condominium? That was pretty freaky when you think about it. I guess I'd like to blame it on the thought that something did possess her brain to do something like that instead of think that she was aware of what she was doing. Somehow it comforts me that she was sane enough not to think about doing something like that, and no sane person would ever actually commit suicide no matter what.

Anyway, Respect goes out to you. I hope wherever you are, you are problem-free, worry-free, just like I said. I just can't believe you actually did it, if you did, but there goes another great soul...